I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
