Bisexual people are plain selfish.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
