This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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