I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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