After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
