I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
