Do you still have your period?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
