y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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