Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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