I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
