I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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