I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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