I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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