I wish I could teleport
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
