there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
