Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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