So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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