dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
