Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.