At least make sure they are 18
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.