can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
