let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
