The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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