dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
