we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
