I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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