Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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