I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize