the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
