i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
