So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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