I could have mohawked her pubes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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