my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
