fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
