im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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