i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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