oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
