I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I believe in your delicious
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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