here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
