i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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