i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
