MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
