I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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