My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
