i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
