My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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