Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
