There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
