I love black thongs
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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