dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
