I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
