If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need to calm my uterus...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
