can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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