you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
