I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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