He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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