so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
