Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
