Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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