if i can run in heels then i can drive
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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