I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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