Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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