I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
