Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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