i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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