Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
