Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
