I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
