OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
