my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
