Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
