its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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