The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
birth control should be required to get into college
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize